


Suspicious Minds

by Elledritch



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Edward Nygma, Bisexual Jim Gordon, Canon Related, Canon Rewrite, Caring Harvey Bullock, During Canon, Emotional Manipulation, Endgame Jim Gordon/Leslie Thompkins, Endgame Oswald Cobblepot/Edward Nygma, Gay Oswald Cobblepot, Gotham (TV) Season/Series 04 Fix-it, Gotham season 4 episode 19, Hurt/Comfort, I swear this has a happy ending, Implied Sexual Content, Internalized Homophobia, Jealousy, Literally Harvey Bullock said LGBTQ rights, M/M, Mentioned Fish Mooney, Mild Sexual Content, Temporarily Unrequited Love, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Virgin Oswald Cobblepot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-11
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:08:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28002168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elledritch/pseuds/Elledritch
Summary: Jerome is dead, Jim Gordon is alone and so is Oswald - so why not give up and surrender to absolute pleasure? Forget everything for just one night, deal with the consequences later. A perfect plan, until Edward Nygma finds out what happened. And he is far from happy. A game of jealousy, betrayal and secret feelings is about to unravel as Gotham suffers the consequences of Jerome's legacy of chaos.
Relationships: Edward Nygma/Leslie Thompkins, Jim Gordon/Leslie Thompkins, Oswald Cobblepot & Edward Nygma, Oswald Cobblepot & Jim Gordon, Oswald Cobblepot/Edward Nygma, Oswald Cobblepot/Jim Gordon, Tabitha Galavan/Barbara Kean, Tabitha Galavan/Butch Gilzean
Comments: 11
Kudos: 53





	1. Careless Whisper

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there!! 
> 
> It's taken some time and bravery but I'm finally posting this piece I've been working on for some time now, I hope you enjoy and please check [this playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3CdNKDErYwOKshWxHIZyIH?si=Gq2v0HEoRNaq43_7fXOC3g) I made, it really inspired my writing !!

“Oh and, Oswald Cobblepot, Gotham thanks you”

Jim waited up for the blimp to finally get down, Harvey decided it was too late and the Penguin wasn’t worth his time. None of the officers did. Jim waited alone, until an overly agitated Oswald Cobblepot got down the blimp, limping fast towards Jim and grabbing his shirt.

“You left me there for HOURS, Jim” he complained, deeply offended.

Jim enjoyed seeing him in such position, he put a hand on his shoulder.

“I promised to get you out, but I don’t control time,” Gordon said, half smiling, “you did good tonight, Oswald, you deserve a drink,” he suggested, though he never thought Oswald would accept.

“And, why not?” The Penguin said, smiling sarcastically and patting Gordon’s back, “let’s get something to drink, old friend,” he started walking to the nearest bar.

Gordon thought it would be just a few drinks and then they would go home, but he didn’t really expect to get as drunk as he did, nor he knew that Oswald was the kind of person who got so easily drunk. At first it was okay, they were laughing and having a good time going through memories and whatnot. Oswald seemed way more uninhibited than Gordon had ever seen him.

“You know, Jim,” Oswald said with a soft smile, “the only two times I almost got killed were because my unconditional love got in the way,” he stirred his drink slowly.

“You almost got killed thousands of times, Oswald,” he corrected, scoffing.

“No, Jim, I’m not talking about my body dying,” he took a sip of his drink before continuing, “but my soul dying as well,” he explained, closing his eyes when the alcohol burned his throat.

“What do you mean your soul dying?” Gordon asked, staring at him with curiosity.

“First, I held my dying mother in my arms and could not even say a proper goodbye because I was about to get killed,” he explained, “and the second, the man I fell in love with told me he didn’t love me and then shot me,” he looked into his glass and finished the content in one sip.

Gordon kept quiet for a while, too drunk to form logical sentences. He was sad that Oswald had gone through all that, how that city had dragged him in so deep that he differentiated between his body dying and his soul dying. Nonetheless, there was something he needed to clarify.

“Wait, so, you and Nygma,” he stopped for a second to think what he wanted to ask, “was it actual, romantic love?” 

“Uhm, good morning, James Gordon?” Oswald was perplexed that Jim wasn’t aware yet, “after all that happened, you didn’t know what all the fuss was about?” 

“Well, I… I mean, I knew about the girlfriend but it never occurred to me that you were…” He decided not to finish that sentence and instead he finished his drink and ordered two more.

“That I am gay, Jim, you’re allowed to say it,” Oswald finished the sentenced for him, “well, I am! Nothing to be ashamed of, really,” he’d come to terms with it long ago.

“No, of course not,” Jim took the glass the second it touched the wooden bar and drank like he was parched.

“You seem uncomfortable,” observed the Penguin, “you’ve never talked to an openly gay man, have you?” He asked, though he was sure of the answer.

“Well, Oswald, there’s always a first time, is there not?” He answered with his natural charm, but deep down he felt a bit ashamed.

“I’ll drink to that,” Oswald cheered, raising his glass and drinking as much as he could.

By the time they left the bar, Gordon was too drunk to make logical decisions and Oswald was completely wasted and almost unable to walk. He took him to his house, he’d figure out the details later. Little he knew that said details would solve on their own. Once they got to Jim’s apartment, Oswald leaned on the wall for a while, and Jim got him a glass of water.

“This is the last time we drink together, you’re a terrible drinker,” Jim said, helping him out.

“Maybe… It’s because you’re used… To your drunk ass partner, Bullock,” Oswald said, taking small sips from the glass.

Gordon didn’t realize how close they were until Oswald’s eyes were the only thing he could see. The feeling he had was a strange mix between curiosity and desperation for human contact. Oswald was completely oblivious to his intentions, but when Jim cupped his face between his hands he barely complained.

“Jim, what…” 

That’s all he managed to say before Jim rushed to kiss him, hungry and rather aggressive. Oswald followed his lead obediently, their clothes slowly disappeared as they got to the bed. Maybe it was the booze, the warmth in the room or the fact that Lee was now dating Edward Nygma of all men. Maybe he wanted to do to Nygma the same he had done to him, to take someone he loved and make him his own. Maybe Oswald was using him as well to hurt Nygma, maybe there was something else, but Gordon was too drunk to think about that, and Oswald had his mouth occupied to speak his mind. 

The next morning was full of regret on both parts. Jim woke up first and saw Oswald peacefully sleeping at the other side of the bed, he was completely naked and a few bruises and scratches could be spotted on his pale skin. We surely had fun, Gordon thought. Oswald opened his eyes slowly and frowned when he did not recognize the place, it took him a few seconds to find Gordon next to him, as naked as him. His eyes opened wide and full of questions.

“Please, tell me this is not what it looks like,” begged the Penguin while he discovered all the marks Gordon had left last night.

Gordon didn’t say a word, but nodded in confirmation. Oswald sighed deeply.

“Has anyone ever told you that you’re like a wild animal in bed?” Oswald asked, touching carefully the bruises, “and I don’t mean it in a good way”

“You didn’t complain last night” he teased, though he regretted it instantly. 

Oswald sent him a murderous look from across the bed.

“So you remember what happened?” Oswald looked at him, expectant.

“I do,” Gordon confirmed, “it was… Well, it was weird” he added. 

Oswald raised both eyebrows and crossed his arms.

“Weird in a good or a bad way?” Though it was a simple and open question, Gordon felt like there was only one correct answer.

“Oswald, I… This is new to me, okay? I don’t even know why I did it,” he admitted, as naked as he was he could not afford lying.

“So it is to me,” Oswald confessed, something in his eyes shone in a way that sent Gordon an extreme rush of guilt.

“Wait, you’ve never…?” He asked, his Adam's apple made a dramatic movement when he swallowed.

Oswald shook his head to indicate a negative.

“Ever” he said, frowning, “I guess that makes you my first time,” he laughed to the irony that it all was, “and I can’t even remember it very well!”

Gordon was destroyed. He could feel the guilt crawling on his back with sharp claws. His brain was telling him to be rational about what to do, Oswald was a criminal but he could be very fragile emotionally speaking. On the other hand, his impulsive heart wanted him to break the space between them. Unable to hear his inner voice of reason telling him to stop, Gordon took Oswald in his arms and kissed him so passionately that startled the Penguin, who did not see that coming at all but followed him like there was no other way.

“Maybe I can make you remember” he whispered against his lips and felt Oswald shiver in surprise. 

“To be new to this, you seem very savvy” observed Oswald, already tangled around his body and ready to take whatever Gordon threw to him.

“Well, I’ve got some practice…” Jim bit his lip slowly and clawed his fingernails on Oswald’s back, “just not with other men,” clarified.

He would have lied if he’d said that the intercourse wasn’t pleasant. He and Oswald shared a weird chemistry that couldn’t be denied. Something in Oswald's eyes, his desperate moans, and the way his body moved in perfect synergy with his was driving him nuts. He had never experienced something like that except with Lee, and oh, how he had missed it.

Oswald looked so vulnerable when they were done, like a small bird who had fallen from his nest. Gordon wondered if Oswald was already regretting it, but healthy communication wasn’t his strongest quality. Instead, he spooned him and kissed the bruises on his back to make him feel safe and reassure that he was gonna take care of him.

“Jim… Are you aware of how wrong this is?” Oswald asked, unsure and untrusty of him.

“I am,” he said, breathing right into his neck and making Oswald sigh deeply, “do you regret it?”

Oswald fell silent but allowed Jim to continue kissing and hugging him until he finally felt safe. Jim knew how broken he was inside, how every person he’d ever trusted had failed him and hurt him badly. Nygma was the most notable example of it, and even then Oswald had helped him and done everything to protect him. He knew that kind of love too well.

“Come on, it’s not like we’re gonna start dating or anything” he said to try and get a reaction out of the quiet Penguin. 

Something inside Oswald broke and by his body language Gordon knew he had messed it up badly. 

“No, Jim, of course we’re not,” his voice shivered like he would break at any moment and start crying, “because I’m just a disgusting criminal who’s only useful for a good time,” he tried to get away from him, but Jim was ten times stronger, “never a keeper”

When Jim finally understood his mistake, he got up to look directly into Oswald's eyes, which were shiny and humid due to the tears.

“I didn’t mean that, Oswald,” he cupped his face with one hand, “I just… I like you, but…” he was at a loss for words, or maybe he was afraid of admitting the truth.

“But you are in love with someone else,” Oswald continued, “I know, Jim, I am too,” he said, frowning for a second, “both our lovers are involved in a romantic relationship, coincidentally with each other”

Jim looked at Oswald, mouth half opened, like he was caught in a trap.

“I know why you’re doing this, there’s no need to sugarcoat it,” Oswald kept talking while Jim was quiet, “I’m totally fine with it, for the record,” he concluded, shrugging and laughing softly, like nothing had ever happened.

Jim was surprised that Oswald took it so well, but he wouldn’t let the guard down just in case. Oswald got close to him to steal a kiss and wink at him.

“I better get dressed, some of us have work to do, you know?” Oswald teased, smiling pleasantly.

“Yeah, me too… I have… Cop stuff to do,” Jim clarified awkwardly, getting up from the bed and going on a clothes hunt around the flat.

They went separate ways after a not so awkward breakfast. He shouldn’t let him go that easily, but now that there was something going on between them Jim felt like he was disadvantaged. Oswald could flip the coin any time and prove that Jim was trying to use him in ways that are totally illegal, so it was better to not stir that pot just yet.

Harvey was especially annoying that morning, asking him about those hickeys on his neck and all. Gordon said he met a girl at a bar after getting Penguin down the blimp, which Harvey knew was a lie, but allowed it to slip for the time being and just told him to wear protection. He hated Harvey Bullock with a passion sometimes.

The day went weirdly, it was the aftermath to Jerome’s death and the spirits were low around the GCPD. Harvey wouldn’t stop examining Jim’s several marks and sometimes made comments about it.

“Never thought penguins were so aggressive,” he said during lunch time, touching the most noticeable hickey.

“What in the fresh hell are you implying, Harvey?” asked Jim, completely annoyed that Harvey actually knew what happened.

“Come on, Jim,” he tilted his head, “you wait for Penguin all alone and the next morning you arrive ten minutes late, full of hickeys and acting all weird and guilty?” Bullock took a bite of his lunch, “I always knew you go both ways,” he assured, like it was all normal. For Jim, it wasn’t.

“I… Don’t do that, not usually, though, I was drunk,” he tried to explain, to come up with excuses, all to deny the truth Harvey already knew and accepted.

“Listen, pal, I know you’re a war hero and your old man was this huge, respectable cop and all but,” Harvey paused for a second to organize his thoughts, “I really think it’s okay if you like one or another or both or everything or even nothing at all, you know?” Concluded, looking at Jim in all seriousness.

No one had ever told him that it was okay to like other men. His father always said homosexuality was a deviation, a plague, and he wanted so badly to be like his father that he had believed every single word he ever said, never realized how wrong some of those things were. For him, to have Harvey telling him that it was okay meant a lot, it felt like freedom, a validation he didn’t know he needed.

“Thank you, Harvey,” he smiled softly at him.

“My only question, though, is why Penguin? Were you feeling too desperate or do you actually like him?” He asked, in a goofier voice.

“Piss off, Harvey,” Jim laughed while shaking his head. He couldn’t be offended or angry at him, but would not answer those questions ever.

“Is he good in bed? I thought he was a virgin, Fish Mooney once told me that…” he stopped at the very moment he had the greatest realization ever, “you TOOK his FLOWER?!” he exclaimed, all the people around turned to look at them.

“Harvey!” It took him a lot of self-control not to punch him right in his big mouth, “yes, but I didn’t know that, I found out after it happened,” he kept his voice as low as he could.

“Jesus Christ, Jim, that’s a serious step, he’s gonna remember you as the cop who stole his purity,” as serious as his voice was, Jim knew he was messing with him and gave him a small punch in the arm.

“Shut it, Bullock, and let’s get back to work,” Jim pursed his lips in a smile and started walking without waiting for Harvey to follow him.

“Jim! Wait up, man! I’m still having my lunch!” Harvey ran awkwardly to catch him, his burrito still on his hand, half finished. 

*** 

When the shift was done, Gordon received a call from Oswald. He asked him to meet again at a bar, or directly at Gordon’s apartment if he wasn’t feeling like drinking. He could have said that they were done, but a thought of Lee crossed his mind and he needed that contact with someone, if only to forget about her for a few hours. He agreed to meet at his apartment, and there was Oswald waiting when he arrived. 

“Missed me?” Oswald asked, leaning on his cane to relieve the pain on his leg. 

“Don’t push it, Cobblepot,” Gordon answered while opening the door and letting him in first, “feeling alright?”

“Quite,” Oswald confirmed, but Jim noticed he was limping more than usual.

When they entered the apartment, Gordon made him sit on the couch and put the leg on a stall chair. Oswald looked at him in great confusion to what he was doing, not used to that kind of caring.

“If you’re hurting, we better take a look at it before I make it worse,” he explained when their looks crossed paths and Gordon saw how confused he seemed.

“It isn’t so bad, really,” Oswald insisted, but Gordon was already taking off his trousers to check on his leg. He took a small bottle of rosemary oil and put some in his hand before starting to massage the focus of pain.

“My father always said rosemary oil is good to relieve pain,” he said, working his hands wisely on his damaged leg.

Oswald was still looking at him, unable to conceal the thought of James Gordon taking care of him like that. The smell of rosemary was overwhelming, but the gesture was so sweet he couldn’t really complain. His leg was actually feeling much better after the massage, he should put that oil on his buy list. 

“Better?” Jim asked, wiping the rest of the oil from his hands with a towel.

“Positively so,” Oswald confirmed, “thank you, old friend,” he smiled, soft and sweet.

Gordon smiled back at him and got closer to him, separating his thighs to make himself some space between them.

“You can repay me right now,” he said, getting closer to his lips like a lion teasing his prey.

Oswald’s breathing stopped for a few seconds, the image of James Gordon being all possessive toward him was breathtaking nonetheless. He wrapped his legs around his waist and Jim took the time to unbutton his shirt, untie his high couture tie and throw everything to the floor while he left bite marks all over his freckled chest. Oswald moaned deeply to the feel of his touch and clawed his fingernails on Jim’s back, scratching him to the point of almost making him bleed.

Jim would never admit it, but sex was much better when alcohol was not involved, at least on Oswald’s part, he was more energetic and receptive. After a while, they both laid on Jim’s bed and stared at different directions in awkwardness. It was still very new and strange and they weren’t sure of how to act when the adrenaline of the moment was gone.

“Harvey noticed the hickeys,” Jim said to break the uncomfortable silence.

“Congratulations,” Oswald answered with a tone of pettiness in his voice, “did he humiliate you in front of everyone?”

“No,” he paused to turn and look at him, “not really, he was very understanding” explained.

Oswald turned his head to look back at him “Was he now?” He asked, incredulous.

“Yeah, I thought he’d be disgusted” Gordon pressed his lips and sighed through his nose, “but he just said it’s okay if I go both ways,” he smiled briefly and looked into his big eyes, “it felt good”

Oswald understood what he meant, Jim probably had never heard someone he looked up to telling him that being LGBT was okay. The first one to open up his eyes was Fish Mooney, she helped him with internalized homophobia and self repression. He could never forget about that.

“Well, Jim, Harvey Bullock is wiser than he may seem sometimes,” he said finally, “after all Fish loved him dearly,” he bit his own lip when her name was spoken.

“Do you think he misses her?” He asked, staring at him. The moonlight was bathing his pale, freckled skin. He was beautiful, but Jim couldn’t really appreciate it till that moment.

“I don’t think so,” he started, “I know so,” he laughed briefly, “those two… They had their ups and downs, but Fish was head over heels,” he admitted, half smiling, “and so was Bullock”

Jim took a moment to assess what he had learned. He knew Harvey just as much as Harvey knew him, but they had never talked about their feelings openly and in a healthy way. He was sure Harvey was going through hard times, he always ended up alone while Jim was up and down dating everyone who crossed his path. Come to think of it, Jim felt selfish and stupid.

The ringing phone startled them both. It was Jim’s, Harvey required him at the precinct for an emergency.

“I need to go, you can stay if you like, it’s late, or rather it’s too early,” Gordon told Oswald, who was still in bed and not thinking about leaving yet.

“Thanks, Jim, I’ll make sure I close the door properly when I leave,” Oswald said, smiling mischievously. Jim couldn’t tell if that was just his smile or he was hiding something, but he had no time to think about it.

Dawn wasn’t happening for a few hours yet when Jim arrived at the precinct to find Harvey and Harper waiting for him. Harvey presented him with a series of bank robberies, all perpetrated that same night for the same person or group of people. The same night he had been spending time with Oswald again. He knew exactly who had done it just by reading the file. Ed Nygma was behind all that. Maybe it was a good thing, he needed to talk to Lee anyways.

“Say hey to Lee for me, would you? Tell her nice shooting with Sofia,” Bullock said in a way that made Gordon hate how much he knew him. 

Going down to the Narrows, Gordon thought about what he would say to Lee, how would he look at her after having sex with Oswald out of jealousy for what she and Ed were having. He was feeling sick and guilty, maybe he should have got some rest after the shooting. He just went straight up to get as drunk as possible and make a huge mistake, like he always did.

The place was crowded to the point of claustrophobia and the noise was deafening at the very least, but Gordon spotted Lee from a distance and went directly to meet her. In her eyes he found surprise, while her face was straight. She didn’t want him to see that she was actually desperate to see him, but somehow he knew.

“Jim,” she addressed him, getting up from her chair, “you don’t look like a guy who got shot four times” she said, raising her head with dignity and leadership.

“Because you were able to keep me alive” he said, staring at her like there was nothing else in the room, “thanks”

“I just shot Sofia Falcone on the head” a smile loomed in her face, “I was in a good mood,” Jim could not tell if it was a joke or there was truth in it anymore.

Nervous and feeling again the guilt of what he had done the night before, Gordon decided to get straight to the point. A part of him feared that she had seen the absurdly visible hickeys Penguin had left him and prayed that she would not make a comment on them. Either way, he was already punishing himself.

“I’m looking for Ed Nygma,” he finally said after a minute of silence, “five banks were robbed last night, it has all the hallmarks of a Nygma Special,” Jim elaborated to see if Lee’s eyes would give some clarification. They did, she knew about it.

“I haven’t seen Ed in weeks,” she lied, and both knew that it was a terrible lie.

Frustrated that Lee was protecting him, he tried to bottle up the emotions and kept putting on his police officer mask until the conversation was done.

“I know you feel loyalty towards him,” he made a wise choice of words, “but you of all people should know he’s sick” he concluded, trying to open up her eyes to the truth, “and he’s a dangerous criminal”

“We all have our flaws,” by her look he could tell she knew, and part of her felt guilty, just like he felt guilty. For a split second they shared a strange complicity, because they both were using someone to get what they wanted.

Jim sighed when Lee looked away.

“Lee” he got serious, more than he had been before, “I understand why you’re here,” he reassured her, “but there are other ways of finding absolution” he thought about touching her hand, but a flash of Oswald’s hands on him got in the way, “you can’t take ownership of everyone’s problems” his blue eyes were set on her, bright and wide. She looked back at him.

“This is the Narrows, nobody owns anything but the slumlords” she raised a wall against his eyes, she could not allow him to get in her heart again, “why don’t you try going after the real criminals? The people making money off the backs of the poor” and when her wall was up high, she attacked. 

Something she said stuck with him.

“You mean like Gotham Savings and Loan?” he asked, forming a thought on his head, “none of the guards were killed, the more I think about it, doesn’t exactly feel like Ed Nygma,” he followed her movements while she was sitting down again, “or not just him”

“If we’re done here,” she put an end to it before it escalated. Wise move.

Gordon looked at her, now worried that Nygma was driving her to a point of no return. He knew she was smart enough, but all he wanted was to be sure she was okay and safe. 

“Whatever’s happened,” he said, allowing his vulnerability to show, “you can always call me. I can help,” he stared in silence.

She raised her head to get a proper look into her eyes. He would die right there if she asked him to, and they both knew it.

“You don’t get it, do you, Jim?” She asked rhetorically, “it’s good to see you,” she got back to her glass of whiskey and bid him farewell, “oh, and you might want to put on some make up in there,” she added, signaling the part of the neck where the hickeys were more visible, “lucky lady, huh?”

His first reaction was to put a hand on his neck to hide the marks and pretend it was nothing. 

“Not a lady, actually,” he ran his mouth impulsively to prove a point, “Penguin’s a lucky guy, I guess” or maybe to get a reaction from her.

Now she was surprised for real, her eyebrows raised and her eyes wide opened. She crossed her arms, expecting more information from him.

“You’re banging Oswald Cobblepot now?” She asked, unable to make peace with the thought. She shrunk her nose, disgusted.

“I think I said too much already,” he said, forcing a smile, “goodbye, Lee” he turned to get the hell out of there as soon as possible.

Lee stood on her chair, completely frozen and shocked by the new fact she had learned. Not only Jim was… Whatever he was now, but he was also involved with Penguin of all men on Earth. There was a pinch of irony in all that, she might use it for her advantage, but for now it was valuable information she wanted to keep for herself.

Gordon felt both a great disappointment for how wrong things had gone and a rush of adrenaline for coming out so abruptly to Lee. He’d be lying if he denied enjoying Lee’s face when he confessed his involvement with Oswald, she looked shocked and confused, and her instant disgust could be read as jealousy. So his plan was working, after all. However, there were more important things at stake, and he had to worry about the case first and Lee second, he had a bank corporation to investigate.


	2. To Love Somebody

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Riddler finds out about Oswald and Jim and is not happy about it, in fact, he wants to make him suffer.

Oswald contacted Butch right after Jim left his apartment. If there was an emergency at the GCPD he was sure that the Riddler was causing trouble, and he had to be there before Jim cut all the fun. Butch didn’t really need to sleep but he ate like ten men or more, so Oswald procured him a suitable breakfast while he explained where they were heading and what the plan was about. Butch’s one and only condition was to earn enough money to pay Hugo Strange. Oswald was okay with that as long as he provided the much needed muscle.

Once breakfast was due, they headed to the Narrows to find Edward and Lee already scheming something. He took the liberty to interrupt their little lovebirds chat.

“Well, that sounds promising,” he said, leaning on his cane with a wide smile, “what the hell, count us in!”

The Riddler looked at Oswald and Grundy, not very surprised but really annoyed to see them there. He really didn’t want to deal with Oswald’s childish tantrums and…

He stopped his train of thought for a second.

He could smell the cologne from where he was standing. It wasn’t Oswald’s usual perfume, and neither was Grundy’s,  _ obviously _ . It was perfectly recognizable. Jim’s god awful and manly cologne. He spotted some bite marks on the side of his neck, Oswald had tried to cover them up with make-up but they were still noticeable for the detail-oriented. A fury raised like fire inside of him, but he remained still while they left the room to discuss whatever it was he wanted to negotiate.

“Whatever it is you’re planning, we want in,” Oswald claimed triumphantly, “remember, you owe us,” he reminded Ed as he stared at him. Oswald noticed there was an odd look in the Riddler’s eyes.

The Riddler was raging inside at the look of that pathetic brat trying to partner up with him right after getting in Jim Gordon’s bed. All that love and trust he claimed were but filthy lies, Oswald manipulating the situation in his favour just as usual.  _ Maybe Gordon is using him,  _ Ed’s voice said in his head,  _ you took Lee from him, he wants to take Oswald,  _ he continued.  _ Poor bastard wants to make Lee jealous, probably.  _ He laughed audibly.

“I’m sorry, we owe  _ you _ how?” He asked, entertained by how pathetic everything seemed now.

“Because we made you, both of you,” Oswald clarified, looking at them and approaching Edward slowly, “without me, you’d be still trapped inside Ed,” he looked into his eyes. The Riddler was unsure of the feelings that Oswald’s eyes awakened inside of him. 

The smell of Jim’s cologne was so awfully overwhelming that his thoughts were turning darker by the second as his fury grew and poisoned him. He wanted to kill Jim, he wanted to hurt Oswald badly, but deep inside Edward was keeping him from doing anything, and reminding him that Lee was his lover now and she had chosen him before Jim. And that he  _ did not _ love Oswald.

“And you would still be stitching up busted lips ringside,” Butch added, pointing at Lee.

Oswald explained his plans to make money to buy Sofia’s capos and pay Butch’s medical expenses. All the Riddler could hear was irrelevant and incessant blabbering. He laughed at him, he was about to cut him off when Lee stepped up.

“I heard your offer,” Lee approached both men, “and here’s my counter,  _ bite me _ ,” she said in a still voice, completely ruthless. 

Oswald frowned, offended by Lee turning away the offer down so easily. 

“I don’t like people coming to my club telling me what to do, and I don’t like threats, implicit or otherwise, and I  _ really  _ don’t like people telling me they made me,” she didn’t blink or paused, she gave her speech and made the point perfectly clear.

“Well said, Lee,” Edward said, smiling with complicity and clapping his hands.

Oswald realized then that the Riddler was getting weak. Edward’s idealisation and absurd admiration for Lee were obvious signs of it. Oswald knew that kind of weakness very well and it might cost Edward’s life. He knew he had to get him out of there before Lee got him hurt badly or worse, but convincing a stubborn hothead like him would be a hard task. He frowned in disgust.

“Oh, god, are you kidding me?” He exclaimed, exaggerating his reaction.

The Riddler smiled, Oswald had the exact reaction he wanted him to have. Sweet jealousy.

“What?” He asked triumphant. Oswald seemed jealous, and he totally should be.

“Okay, we’re done here-” Lee couldn’t even finish her sentence when Penguin interrupted.

“I thought you got past all that when you became the Riddler!” His voice was a mix of confusion and complaint.

“Past  _ what _ ?” Asked the Riddler, feeling again that rush of anger poisoning him.

“Ed’s pathetic adoration of her?” He clarified, surprised that Edward didn’t know what he was talking about, “but no, clearly, he passed it along to you… Like a virus,” he shook his head and looked at her, “she knows it and she’s using you,” he added, a bit of irony in his tone, “shame on you! Stringing along this troubled man,”  _ just like Gordon is doing to me,  _ he thought.

Lee lost her nerves for a moment and screamed at them to get out. Butch was ready to fight right there but Oswald had already planted a seed of confusion in Ed’s brain, he knew he’d come to his senses sooner or later and get back to them. He approached Ed in secrecy and looked at him.

“Little advice,” he whispered, “be sure to skim some off the top when she tosses you aside,” continued, looking into his eyes. Oswald knew how furious he was, and he loved the taste of it.

The Riddler’s anger was gone, now plagued by doubts and awfully hurt to know that Oswald was right. Oswald was usually half right, but this time he was completely right, and he was having his little fun with Jim Gordon, and meanwhile he was puzzled by all the emotions he so desperately wanted to suppress. Damned Oswald, he’d pay for it.

Later on that same day, Edward presented Butch and Oswald with a plan to get both the money and get rid of Lee, so he could be free of his weakness, as he put it. Oswald wanted so desperately to believe he was telling the truth that he just ignored all the signs that pointed in a different way. Butch was way too stupid to understand, but Penguin  _ wanted  _ to be oblivious to the truth, he  _ needed _ Edward to open his eyes and realize how bad Lee was gonna play him. He followed the steps the Riddler had given them, everything in order to meet at the bank, enter unnoticed and get to the safe. Everything seemed to be working perfectly until the alarm went on and the barred door separated Butch and Oswald from Lee and the Riddler. He saw in that moment what he had been trying to ignore.

_ I am the revealer of masks, when I appear friend becomes foe, and the one that you love becomes the one that you hate. What am I? _

Betrayal.

It was all about betrayal in the end. Oswald knew that, and yet he would trust Edward over and over again. He would make the same mistake a thousand times for Ed. He would even pretend that it wasn’t a trap all along in order to give Ed the benefit of the doubt, a benefit he had long ago proven to not deserve. Not always, at least. Deep inside, he knew Edward would betray him to favour Lee, and even when he was in that cage he couldn’t really blame him. It was always the same story between them.

“I just want you to hear something,” Edward spoke from the other side of the bars.

Oswald looked at him, his face resembled surprise, but his heart was simply broken again. Second time Edward had broken his heart without batting an eye, and yet he would allow a third, a fourth and even a fifth time.

“Oswald, we’ve been through thick and thin,” he focused on Oswald’s eyes, "I don't hold a grudge against you," the Penguin listened carefully with teary eyes, "but you come against Lee, and you come against me"

No statement could have broken his already shattered heart like that one did. Edward was gone before he could scream his heart out and curse him for betraying him over and over, even when he had saved his life so recently. Butch got them out of the cage before the police could find them, and they used Lee's distraction to walk out of there unnoticed.

***

The Riddler spent the rest of the night awake and alone arranging a rescue plan to get Lee out of the GCPD, but Oswald was still in his mind, he was always there. Moved by anger, he tried to push away the guilt of having betrayed Oswald.  _ He is a fool, _ he thought,  _ he shouldn’t have come against Lee,  _ insisted.

“ _ He also gave up his revenge on Sofia Falcone to save your sorry ass,”  _ a voice he hadn’t heard in a while rebuked him. 

“Kristen?” He searched for the voice, he looked at the nearest mirror-like objects to find her.

“ _ Here, you pathetic braindead loser,”  _ she was reflected on a window, her arms crossed, “ _ do you even realize how wrong you are most of the time? _ ”

He felt a stretch inside his chest and swallowed hard.

“I’m never wrong, what do you want?” He got close to the window to see her better.

“ _ I want what you want, stupid asshole,”  _ she said in all obviousness, “ _ I am literally your mind speaking” _

“I want Lee, don’t try to plant stupid thoughts in my head,” he spat, annoyed that she was trying to confuse both Ed and him.

“ _ Do you now? Or do you want your ideal of her?”  _ Kristen threw him a sharpened smirk, “ _ you think you know her so well, just like you thought you knew me, in the end it’s your own idealisation what you fall for,”  _ Kristen disappeared like she had never been there at all.

He stood still for a while rummaging through her words, his most inner and unconscious thoughts. He wasn’t ready to accept and give up on Lee, and after hurting Oswald so many times he could not go back to him again. Probably ever. Now that he had Jim, maybe Oswald would move on and forget about him, at least that’s what he  _ rationally  _ wanted for him. 

“ _ But deep down you are desperate to see him again, aren’t you?” _ Edward spoke from a nearby broken mirror, smiling widely, “ _ we hurt him and expect him to not come back, but oh, when he does…”  _ Edward’s reflection took a deep breath and let it all out at once, “ _ pure dopamine, to see how much he loves you that he allowed you to pull the trigger twice and never attempted to actually kill you,”  _ he adopted a calm pose and did not lose his smile at any time.

“He froze us in a block of ice!” He protested.

“ _ Oswald knew you would never stop trying to kill him, but he could never kill you either,”  _ Edward explained slowly like he was dealing with someone too dumb to understand, “ _ his best chance to survive without killing you was to freeze you, can’t you see it?” _

The Riddler clenched his fist ready to smash the already shattered mirror, but Edward was gone before he could do anything. He remained alone in the room again, his hallucinations had chosen to give him a small break.

***

Getting Lee out was extremely easy, way easier than he had first planned thanks to Jerome’s mindless followers. He had instructed some of his guys to follow Gordon in case he wanted to get funky and bother Lee again.  _ And to check if he had seen Oswald _ , Edward kindly reminded him from the darkest part of his mind. What he’d never expected was to actually have Jim at the Narrows, incarcerated and been taken care of by Lee. He wanted him alive to make him suffer, not so he could live another day to torment him and his relationship, but Lee said otherwise and so he followed.

He was ready when Jim came in accompanied by two armed men. He smiled to hide his anger, there were still marks on his neck and he was sure some were caused by Oswald and not an explosion. He could have killed him right there and put an end to it, he could have tortured him right there, but Lee wouldn’t like that.

“Hello, sleepyhead, you realize this city is about to be blown up? Odd time for a nap,” he greeted while working on the maze Jeremiah had gifted them.

“You know she drugged me,” Gordon answered, his voice rough as ever.

“Yeah, don’t really care,” he took away the look from the paper to talk directly to him, “thank you, gentlemen,” he waited for them to leave, “I want to make one thing  _ very _ clear,” and started talking, “if Gotham becomes a rock pile I care  _ zero _ percent, I’m only helping you because…” he paused for a brief second to choose carefully his words, “I’m  _ with _ Lee now”

“Fine, whatever,” Gordon did not show any sign of jealousy, not even a gesture or a blink. He needed that validation, he needed him to get as furious as he got when he found out about Oswald and him. 

“Feign nonchalance, very cute,” he leaned on the table, smiling, “it’s almost convincing,” and turned back to the paper maze.

“Ed, Jeremiah Valeska is threatening to destroy half the city,” he answered back, almost annoyed, “you really think I care if you've deluded yourself into thinking you and Lee are a couple?”

The Riddler pursed his lips in a painful frown and forced a smile to cover it up. He was jealous, he knew he was saying that out of jealousy.  _ Or he’s just saying the truth, _ Edward spoke inside his mind,  _ Lee would never love a murderer like you. _

“You see? That is my point,” the Riddler said, referring to Jim, “you don't believe that Lee could actually love me, do you?”

“Honestly? No,” his voice tone became so sharp it felt like a knife in his chest, “you’re a murderer, and the fact that you need me to validate your crazy fantasy means that you don’t believe it either,” Jim paused to take a breath and continued, not letting any space for him to talk, “that doesn’t matter, what matters is stopping Jeremiah Valeska from killing thousands of people, so can we?”

The Riddler looked at him completely static, shattered by Jim’s speech. Edward had some vague admiration for him and craved his validation, the Riddler only wanted him to show his jealousy. Neither got what they expected, Jim was too focused on his job. He was so rude,  _ so selfish _ . But the Riddler wouldn’t let that conversation slip any longer.

“Yeah, we’re gonna settle this,” the Riddler said, unaccepting of Jim’s refusal.

“Ed…” Jim was about to cut him off again, but the Riddler wouldn’t allow him to do it again.

“No, Jim, this isn’t the GCPD,” he protested, “here I make the rules, so we’re not going to do this until we talk what I want to talk,” his words were final, Jim understood that quickly enough.  _ Good for him. _

Jim Gordon got intimidatingly closer, though he was shorter than Edward he could really pose a threat if wanted, Ed was not in a very good shape for a one-on-one after all.

“Lee’s changed, I accept that,” his eyes were threatening and severe, “maybe she will never be the person that I knew. Fine,” he admitted stoically, “but she is not who you think she is,” he added, allowing Ed to react with a mere scoff, “the fact that she’s with you, in whatever way she’s with you…”

The Riddler cut him there.

“Oh, Jim, she’s with me in  _ every _ way,” he said, mockingly, trying to get the reaction he so desperately wanted from him.

“...Means that she wants something from you,” but Jim didn’t even blink to his confession, he was cold as an iceberg, “so when she’s done with you, she’ll get rid of you” the speed of his discourse slowed down to allow Edward to chew on his words and realize what Oswald had tried to tell him before.

_ Oswald. _

The Riddler froze for some time only to recover and snap with a clever take back.

“So, you're saying that she wouldn't be with a killer and yet,” Edward pointed at him, “she was with you,” he paused to stare at him, “and you, Jim, are 10 times the killer that I ever was” 

“You have a point,” admitted Gordon to his surprise, allowing his strong facade to fall for the right amount of seconds, his eyes stared at the floor and then back to Nygma, “maybe that’s why she’s not with me now” he nodded briefly.

The Riddler felt pleased with his response, but he still wanted to rip his head off for sleeping with Oswald. Then again, talking about Oswald’s sexual partners when the city was about to explode might not be very convenient, and Gordon was already annoyed about the delay. He kept it to himself, he couldn’t show Gordon his jealousy, that would only put him at his same level. He’d use it against him later.

After a rather thorough explanation of Jeremiah’s plan and where the bombs were planted, the Riddler felt powerful in his intelligence. He had proven once more that he was superior to everyone else, and he’d used that superiority to craft a perfect plan to provide Lee and himself a way out of the city to live happily ever after somewhere else, no criminal records nor running from justice anymore. Of course, Gordon seemed to be against their happiness,  _ so selfish _ .

“Ed, wait,” Jim said, now focused on the paper labyrinth he was holding, “there’s one thing I can’t figure out,” he seemed to be looking for something. 

_ What an imbecile,  _ thought the Riddler.

“One? Being a little kind to yourself,” he said, approaching him to check what he had missed.

“Yeah, I’m sorry, I think you made a mistake right there,” Jim pointed at an ambiguous location on the labyrinth, so he had to get closer to see.

Just like that, the Riddler fell into Jim Gordon’s trap.

“Where?” He asked, offended by the sole implication.

He didn’t notice when Jim had punched him, but everything went painful and black in a matter of seconds. He couldn’t even see Jim Gordon leaving the place and taking with him all his plans to leave. 

He woke up hours later, a strong headache and a bit of inflammation around his parietal bone, Jim had hit him good. He went to find Lee and tell her about it when Jim appeared out of nowhere and found her first, so he hid to eavesdrop on their conversation. What he heard wasn’t as bad as what he saw. Lee’s eyes shone different when she looked at Jim, he could discern a deep yearn in her eyes. He was furious. 

Jim always took whatever he wanted - _ so selfish _ -, he took Oswald when he wanted, but now he was coming for her all over again. And Lee, vulnerable to his charms and their past history, was prey of Jim’s hunger. Not for long, anyways, he would be the one to set Lee free from her cage. 

_ “Isn’t that what Penguin did to us?”  _ Edward asked as he watched Riddler put a plan together to take down Jim Gordon.

“No, it’s not,” he answered, but didn’t elaborate on it any further.

“ _ I’m pretty sure it is,”  _ Edward said,  _ “a bit hypocritical of you, isn’t it?” _

“Oswald took Isabella from us because he was jealous,” the Riddler protested, “I am taking Jim because Lee deserves to be free of her infatuation,” explained to his alter.

“ _ Sounds like jealousy to me,”  _ Edward insisted.

The Riddler got up from his chair, he had spent a long time planning and was ready now to take action. His plan did not include Jim being arrested, but it was definitely an advantage, less work for him to do. Kidnapping Jim was easy peasy in the end, and when the tranquilizer dart’s effect had faded and he woke up everything was set.

He was so pleased having Gordon suffer for all he’d done to him that he didn’t hear Lee coming. She was angry, that was for sure, but the Riddler knew he could make her understand, she was so close to be the woman he  _ wanted _ her to be, the only anchor holding her back was Jim Gordon. She wasn’t pleased by his explanations, but soon enough she’d understand.

“You really think so little of me?” Lee asked, obviously disappointed.

“I don't follow that” Ed answered, caught off guard.

“How weak would that person need to be if Jim Gordon could hold her back?” She explained, “it's actually insulting”

The Riddler paused for a few seconds to recollect his thoughts.

“That's not what I intended, I…” He tried to excuse himself, but Lee wouldn’t let him finish.

“Enough,” she claimed, and got closer to Jim, “yesterday, you said a part of you would always care for me,” she took a deep breath before continuing, “the woman you loved is gone. Understand?”

Jim looked at her from his position, a part of him knew she was pulling an act to convince Ed and save him from death.

“Yes,” he answered, compliant.

“The Narrows are free from landlords and gangs, every family has money to build their life. I'm done. I'm leaving” she told Edward, “I want you to come with me, but if you kill Jim don't bother” her offer was final, “and I will decide who I'm going to be. Not you. Not Jim Gordon. Me” she stated, making it very clear, “I'm leaving tonight, it's your choice” she added before leaving the room again.

The Riddler could not believe how thrilled he was. Lee had chosen him before Jim Gordon, that’s all he needed. Jim could keep Gotham and Penguin and anything he wanted as long as him and Lee were finally together and far away from everything. His infatuation stopped him from seeing the catch, which Jim was willing to use in his favour.

“She chose me, Jim” he bragged, utterly happy, “did you hear that? It's all I wanted,” he left the controller of the machine next to him so he could reach it, “you can have Gotham and Oswald, I don’t care anymore” he said, leaving the room.

Jim rushed to take the controller, get the hell out of there and take some fresh air, though breathing was as painful as knives stabbing his lungs repeatedly. A voice caught his attention when he was leaving the building, it was Lee’s. When he noticed her, she threw him a set of keys.

“My car's around the corner,” she explained, “you're gonna wanna ice those ribs” she frowned briefly.

“Is it true about you leaving Gotham?” He asked, partly concerned that the whole Ed thing was true.

“Yes” she answered plainly.

“And taking Ed with you?” He asked. Her hesitation was all the answer he needed.

“That's none of your concern,” that’s what she said, but he already knew the truth.

“Back in the GCPD when I told you there was so much I wish I could change you asked me what I meant,” he said, looking into her eyes to find the real her, not the facade she had built.

“Jim,” she tried to cut him off.

“I would change everything that brought us to this point,” he continued nonetheless, “I would ask you to leave Gotham with me that first moment I saw you, and I would make sure we had a life together” he assured, his voice broke a little bit, “all these past mistakes, Oswald, Edward, I would not allow that to happen, we would be truly happy,” a sad smile formed on his face.

“Then you wouldn't be you,” she said, pressing her lips to stop her emotions from showing.

“Maybe that'd be a good thing,” he admitted.

“No, it wouldn't,” she got close to him, “I'm not going back to who I was, but what you said yesterday about part of you always caring for me,” she paused to look at him from a closer distance, “I feel the same way”

She kissed him right there, uncaring of who would see them. She still loved him dearly and probably would never stop loving him, which was the most painful realization she had ever had. She wasn’t leaving with Ed, and she wasn’t leaving at all, but that meant a last sacrifice had to be done in order to get her life back on track. Ed needed to go.

“Goodbye, Jim. Now go save Gotham,” she said, caressing his cheek before going back inside the building.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading !
> 
> Make sure to leave a comment below if you'd like to say something, I really appreciate feedback :-)


	3. Always on my Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heartbroken and alone again, Oswald stands up to save Gotham from Jeremiah Valeska. The Riddler gets ready to leave Gotham with Lee forever but first he wants to say goodbye to an old friend and open up about secret feelings. So what happens when the bridges go down?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo !! I need to say, I have no idea how everything has escalated so quickly. I started this fanfic out of a vague idea of a jealousy AU, but now things have gotten pretty intense. I never planned on divert from the canon, but here we are !! 
> 
> As always, I hope you enjoy and please do leave a comment !! x

Everything.  _ Everything _ had gone down the road since he got off that cage. Butch was furious because of the Riddler’s backstabbing, but Oswald was quietly carrying the pain of another betrayal from the man he could not stop loving. Even in that moment, even knowing the extreme measures Edward was willing to take to impress his new lover, Oswald couldn’t stop loving him deeply. It was killing him.

But there was no time for crying or yearning, it was time to take chances and get his city back before it was completely destroyed. He had a plan, not a very good one to be fair, but it might work if they played their cards wisely. The first step was getting Barbara and Tabitha to partner up with him and Butch, it’d be easy knowing what Tabitha wanted the most, and that Barbara would do  _ anything  _ for Tabitha’s happiness. It was easy enough, though Barbara was a little reluctant at first they accepted the offer.

Oswald had to admit that the encounter with Jeremiah didn’t go as planned, but he never counted on him being as chaotic as his brother used to be.  _ Even more,  _ he thought. Jeremiah wouldn’t listen to any kind of threat or negotiation, he had a clear vision of what he wanted and how he wanted it to be, so much that he did not mind sharing some information about his plan that actually helped to stop the bombs from blowing up in the end. One good thing out of the several gone-wrong things Oswald had done that very same day. 

During their way back to the Sirens he got word of Hugo Strange’s whereabouts, but he did not have the money yet to pay for the intervention, unless he could obtain his services some other way. Thanks to Tabitha, that part was perfectly covered, after all Strange was a coward and would do anything if threatened a little bit. Oswald was just waiting for Tabitha to get high hopes, so in the end he could crush her.

“No heartbeat” said Strange when everything was set up for Butch’s intervention,“extraordinary,” he added, as if it wasn’t clear that he was enjoying it way too much.

Oswald stood close to a window, watching Strange from a safe distance ready to attack if needed.

“This better work,” said Tabitha, soft but always threatening.

Strange turned to look at her briefly.

“The chemicals that turned him into this beautiful specimen kept his organs surprisingly well-preserved,” explained the doctor, “once we flush his body with anti-toxin we’ll top him off with some fresh blood, and a quick jolt to the heart will see him good as new,”

There was something extremely crooked in his speech that Oswald felt both creepy and cringey, but he kept serious at all times. He observed the joy and hopes in Tabitha’s and Butch’s eyes and smiled softly. Not because he was happy for them, but because he was one step closer to get the revenge he so righteously deserved. They knew nothing about this, which was great, at least that was going the way he had planned.

A phone rang.

For a moment he hoped it’d be Jim calling him or something, but it wasn’t even his phone, it was Tabitha’s. Apparently she had to leave for an emergency, and Oswald promised to stay with Butch taking care of everything. He was so convincing about it that Tabitha trusted him almost immediately and left to kill Jeremiah for hurting Selina Kyle.

“So, how are you feeling?” Oswald asked, sitting down close to Butch’s stretcher.

“I don’t know, it’s weird,” he answered and tried to move the arm slowly, “very heavy,” he noted.

“Well, that means you’re coming back,” Oswald teased.

Butch laughed mildly and stared at the ceiling for a while, Oswald was okay not having a conversation if Butch wasn’t down, he could have spent hours in silence chewing on every thought about Jim and Ed and how they both used him and then threw him away like a napkin. He was starting to believe he was just that, a filthy napkin people would use repeatedly and then dispose of. If that was his destiny, he’d have to learn how to get benefits from being used.

“You know, Cobblepot?” Butch said, taking him out of his head instantly, “after all I’ve done to you, and Tabitha has done to you, I never really expected you to help me,” he confessed.

Oswald clenched his jaw and tried to force a smile, which came out more naturally than it should’ve been. He was used to it, after all. Always fake smiling to pretend everything was okay, when actually his life was falling apart.

“That’s all in the past, we’re about to be bombed by an agent of chaos and things have changed,” Oswald answered calmly and understanding. He put a hand on Butch’s arm to comfort him.

Butch was surprised to see Oswald act so maturely but did not complain about it, he liked that Oswald better, in fact. Little he knew.

“That’s actually very grown up of you, Oswald, thank you,” he said, dedicating a smile to him, “could you do me one more favour?”

“Anything, old friend,” Oswald answered, no doubt in his mind.

“Go check on Tabby, don’t stay here with me and miss all the fun,” he asked politely.

Oswald smiled softly at him and nodded in confirmation.

“If that would make you feel better, I will,” Oswald accepted. 

He squeezed his arm a little before getting up and going to the door, he said goodbye to Butch and left to meet Tabitha and Barbara at the Sirens. However, when he was on his way his phone rang. This time for real.  _ Gordon _ , he hoped, but it was a much unexpected call.

“Edward?” Oswald answered the phone, rather contradicted. 

“Hello, Oswald, could you come to the Narrows? It’s important,” Edward said on the other line of the phone, “or I can meet you wherever you are, please,” he insisted.

Oswald remained silent for a few seconds considering his offer. He was still sore about all that happened between them last time at the bank.

“And why should I?” Oswald finally said.

“I’m leaving Gotham tonight,” he answered, to Oswald’s surprise, “I thought we could meet to say farewell forever,” his voice sounded harmless and convincing.

Oswald sighed, he couldn’t say no to Edward and he knew it.

“Meet me on the way to the Sirens, at the street junction,” he said before hanging up the phone.

He didn’t know how long it would take Tabitha and Barbara to leave to kill Jeremiah, but he hoped it was enough time for him to have a little chat with Edward. He wasn’t really sure why he accepted, nor why Edward was so desperate to see him, he could’ve said goodbye on the phone.  _ As long as he doesn’t shoot me or humiliate me,  _ he thought.

As accorded, Edward was waiting for him at the junction, looking as flawless as ever. 

“Edward Nygma,” Oswald greeted him, not very happy to see him.

Edward smiled in a way that melted Oswald’s heart instantly, but on the outside he remained serious and still. His pride would not allow that man to see how much he still felt for him, how much his heart ached and craved for his attention.

“Oswald, thank you for meeting me,” he was about to put a hand on his shoulder, but Oswald turned it away, “I can see you’re still angry about the bank,” he observed.

“Please, let’s make this quick, I’ve got places to go,” he said, ignoring anything Edward had told him.

Edward frowned briefly and sighed. For a moment, Oswald saw the Edward he met all those years ago at the precinct, shy and awkward.

“Look, I understand where your anger comes from, and I’m sorry,” as he spoke, his hands moved dramatically in representation of what he was saying, “I was desperate to impress her, and I was so mad at you I thought…” He fell silent, at a loss of words, if you will.

“Mad at  _ me _ ?” Oswald asked, insulted by his confession, “whatever have I done to you? I saved your life!” He protested.

“I know you slept with Jim Gordon,” Edward answered quickly and cutting. His glasses slided slowly down his nose bridge.

Oswald looked at him, partly confused and still insulted.

“And?” He asked, “you’re sleeping with Lee, I was practically doing you a favour,” he reasoned, “besides, it was a two times thing, nothing else going on anymore,” he admitted, crossing his arms.

“Well, I …” the Riddler was unable to accept it, but he swallowed his pride because it was the last time he’d see Oswald, “I might have felt… Jealous,” he confessed finally.

Oswald could not believe what he was hearing. His emotions were so confused that he wasn’t even sure if he was starting to hallucinate too. 

“I’m sorry, could you repeat that?” He asked, visibly puzzled.

“I was jealous,” he repeated reluctantly, “that you and Jim had something going on,” he clarified, as he put on his glasses correctly.

His head was so full of thoughts he could not even think  _ straight _ . He decided to follow the big urge to slap his face, and didn’t even shiver when doing so. Edward looked at him with eyes wide open and full of surprise.

“I am done, Edward,” he said, his voice trembled, “I am done with your humiliation and your lies,” he stopped to take a deep breath and hold the tears threatening to fall, “I admit I’ve wronged you in the past, but I’ve had enough of this,”

Edward seemed to be taking every word like a child being reprimanded by his mother. He wasn’t even angry about the slap, for the first time in a very long time he seemed to be empathic enough. He could have refuted Oswald’s accusations, but there were no words that could make Oswald believe it was true, he had lied so much to him that mere words would not suffice anymore. He saw it clear, he had to  _ show  _ him that it was true. 

“So, please, Edward, let’s shake on it and bid…” 

Edward cut Oswald’s sentence by rising his index finger to his mouth. Oswald’s face resembled how insulted he was feeling that Edward had shut him just like that. Edward got close to him and looked him in the eyes before putting his hand on Oswald’s cheek to softly caress it.

“A part of me will always have strange feelings for you, Oswald,” he confessed, “I hope for you the best, and that you find someone like I found Lee,” he bit his lip carefully and brought his face closer to his.

Oswald remained quiet and closed his eyes when Edward pronounced  _ Someone like Lee _ . He swallowed all the emotions and tried -unsuccessfully- to hold back the tears. Edward shook his head slowly and ran his thumb through his cheek to wipe a tear, then kissed his forehead soft and kindly. Oswald’s bad knee failed a little and he grabbed his suit jacket to recover stability. He could’ve kissed Oswald right there as he had always wanted to do, but he refused to cheat on Lee, not even that one time.

“Well, Edward,” he managed to say, “then I wish you and Lee the best,” he pressed his lips in a forced smile and raised his hand for Edward to shake it.

Edward smiled, but seeing Oswald cry made him feel unhappy. He looked at his hand and shook it carefully. That would be the last time they saw each other.  _ Forever _ . Oswald was the first to turn and leave as quickly as he could to get to the Sirens. Edward stayed to look at him disappear into the chaos of the city, and then went back to the Narrows. 

***

As Oswald saw the bridges fall a great pain grew inside his chest. Had Edward left already? What if he was leaving when the bridges went down? He couldn’t just stay there and hope for an answer to come, he had to go look for Edward to make sure he was okay. Tabitha forced him to go with her to Hugo Strange’s hideout and check on Butch first. Of course, he couldn’t forget about that. He tried to make it as quick as possible to leave immediately to the Narrows, luckily he wasn’t too far away.

“Butch, I want you to know that I consider you a friend,” Oswald said, “and that I’m truly sorry,” he drew his weapon and barely waited for Butch nor Tabitha to react when he shooted him.

He was glad it was just as easy as that, no time to lose.

“Did you think I forgot that you murdered my mother? That I just got over it? I have lived with that pain every day,” he talked to the mourning Tabitha, “I could've killed you any time I wanted, but I believe in an eye for an eye,” explained slowly, smiling, “you took away the one person I loved, so I took away the one person you loved, and you get to live with that,” and with that, he concluded the well-prepared speech he had for her.

Obviously she wasn’t happy about it and would not accept it just like that, he knew that’d happen, and that’s why he shot her leg before letting her catch him. He indicated two of his men to take her back to the Sirens as a present for Barbara, a reminder that no one messed with the Penguin and got away with it. At least, no one except for Edward Nygma.

Oswald got to the Narrows right in time to see Lee and Edward talking. He stood behind the wall and peeped through the door frame. Edward seemed disappointed because Lee was never leaving with him, it was all a trick to save Jim Gordon.  _ I knew it, _ Oswald thought. From the angle he was, he saw Lee’s hidden knife shine and knew Edward was in danger. He waited a few seconds but reacted fast enough to pull Edward apart and get stabbed in his place.

“Penguin?” Lee asked, confused to see him there.

Edward looked at the force that had pushed him and traced the knife quickly to Lee’s hand. Oswald was bleeding badly, and knowing that the knife was meant for him filled his broken heart with rage. He drew the knife he had already prepared and stabbed her stomach aggressively while looking into her eyes with deep ruthlessness.

“For the record, Lee,” he said, raising his head in superiority, “I do see you,” he pulled his knife out of her and took Oswald in his arms.

He got them out of there quickly, he needed a place to put Oswald to rest so he could heal his wounds or he’d die in his arms. Oswald was still breathing but losing blood faster per second. Edward could not allow him to go just now, he had saved him once before and would save him again. He just needed to keep him awake for a few minutes more.

“Come on, Oswald, stay with me,” he tried to catch his attention while running out of the Narrows.

Down the road two of Oswald’s henchmen were waiting for him with a car, when they saw Edward carrying him and badly hurt they changed their calm pose to an alerted one, rushing to help Edward with it.

“We need to get someplace safe right now!” Edward told them.

One of the guards took Oswald as the other sat on the driver’s seat and started the car. The man helping Edward to control the bleeding wound explained that Oswald had ordered to claim City Hall as their turf after the bridges went down. Even when badly wounded, Oswald was already five steps ahead of everyone else, his strategy covered every single scenario, even the one where he was hurt.  _ Oswald, you are a damn genius, _ Edward thought as he pressed Oswald’s wound to stop the bleeding.

City Hall and all the territory was covered by Oswald’s goons all over, all of them ready to take down anyone who dared to trespass their territory. There was no need to take it by force, except for a few men who got immediately shot in the head when they finally got inside the building. Edward took Oswald to a room upstairs and sent some men to get as much medicine as they could possibly carry before the chaos was too big to handle and supplies ran short. For the time being, he had to make good use of a very complete first aid kit that was hanging downstairs to heal the deep wound Lee had propitiated Oswald.

“Oswald, why did you do that…” He whispered while observing the unconscious Penguin. He ran his fingers softly through his face and pursed his lips, “after all I’ve done to you, why didn’t you let me die?” He sighed deeply. So lost and full of regret, so desperate.

“Mr. Nygma?” A voice behind him spoke, it was an acute and trembling voice Edward did not recognized, “my name is Arthur Penn, I was, I mean, I am Mr. Cobblepot’s right hand and…” The old man took his time to speak again, “is he going to be okay?”

Edward shrunk his nose like a cat would do. He disliked the man instantly, no reason at all, he  _ just did _ . Part of him wanted to shush him out of the room, but if he really was Oswald’s trustee maybe he should show some manners.

“He will be, yes,” Edward answered, hoping that it was enough to calm the man down.

Mr. Penn nodded slowly, his big eyes never seemed to blink that Edward recalled. He looked like a troubled man, and something  _ very _ twisted was hiding under that mask of innocence he was trying to pull. Edward knew much better than to trust anyone, unlike Oswald. But Penn left the room a few seconds later, a gesture very much appreciated because he didn’t want to be disturbed.

A cold touch reached Edward’s forearm and startled him. Oswald had his eyes semi open and was caressing softly his hand with a smile.

“You stayed…” Oswald said with a weak and almost faded voice.

“Oswald,” Edward smiled and held his hand carefully, “how are you feeling?”

“Like I’ve been stabbed,” he answered, “but seeing you here… Much better,”

Edward’s chest filled with a strange warmthness, a feeling he had long forgotten and was rediscovering all over again. His eyes studied Oswald’s face, every bone, every muscle, his beautiful eyes shining weakly and sleepy, yet so full of love. He had been so blind and stupid, it was almost insulting for his intelligence that he hadn’t seen all of that coming. Oswald was so weak that he fell asleep again in a matter of seconds and Edward wanted so badly to stay with him and never leave, but in the Penguin’s absence the Riddler had to take command.

Oswald’s plan to take the factory and the armory were great, but thanks to his own touch the production of ammunition and weapons got extremely better than it was planned to be at first. Edward had designed working sheets, calculated the maximum capacity a worker could take, the food and water supplies each needed to take in order to be the most efficient. The actual rock in their shoes were the GCPD and the Sirens,  _ especially the Sirens _ . Barbara was always willing to negotiate, but Tabitha could be reckless when blinded by rage which made her a potential threat to Oswald. As for Jim Gordon and the GCPD, it was better to not cross paths with them unless it was necessary, but Edward knew that soon enough they’d run out of ammo and then they’d have to answer to them. Oswald was finally the King of Gotham, and he was the brain behind it all.

The recovery process took as much as four weeks of intensive medical treatment and bandage changing, but the knife wound was nearly closed and no organs had been badly damaged or infected. Edward feared that if Oswald got out of the turf -or even the building-, Tabitha Galavan would be waiting on a corner to hurt him, so Oswald had to pull the strings of his plan from the comfort of his bed, always sending others to do his job. He had no complaints, really, but sometimes Edward would catch a glance of him yearning as he looked through the windows of City Hall to see a Gotham in flames and chaos. He was king, but his kingdom was falling apart as the supplies ran short and soon nobody would have anything else to eat but each other.

“You should be laying in bed,” Edward reprimanded Oswald as he approached him and rested his hands on his shoulders, “anything worth looking at out there?”

Oswald shivered at the feel of his touch and turned his head to look at him.

“Not really, just the city I grew up in falling apart,” he answered, his skin looking as pale as ever and his freckles heavily marked. Edward pressed his lips to form a mellow smile.

“There’s a whole world out there, Ozzie,” he squeezed his shoulders carefully but tightly, “we could run away from here, start over somewhere else,” he suggested.

It wasn’t the first time he had thought about escaping Gotham with him, and surely would start working on an escaping plan if Oswald agreed to it. But he seemed reluctant to the idea, at least for the moment.

“How romantic,” the shorter answered with a hint of amusement, but turned his head back to the city and his eyes darkened again, “we will need money to escape, I won’t settle for nothing less than luxury,” though he spoke like a spoiled rich brat, Edward knew he was just postponing the inevitable, “I’ve sent some parties to loot every treasure left in town, once they’re done with it we will speak about this again,” 

Edward took a look to the city before them. Nothing to see, only dark clouds and ruins all around, sounds of shootings on further turfs and sirens from the GCPD. His hands wouldn’t leave Oswald’s shoulders, it was a comfortable physical contact for him. He wanted to be close to Oswald, he was  _ desperate  _ to be close to him in every way, yet so scared of rejection.

“Shall we speak about different matters, then?” Edward asked as he ran his hands down his arms.

“What sort of matters?” Oswald shot back.

“Are you still in love with me?” Edward chose to not lose any more time.

Oswald tensed all his muscles and froze, his face revealing astonishment and terror. Cold sweat ran down his forehead all of a sudden and his face went paler than before. He was unable to move, to speak, to even breath. A great pain manifested on his lower chest as he tried to breathe again.

“I… Need to lay down,” he managed to say, grabbing Edward’s sleeve.

Edward thought he might be experiencing common nervousness due to the question’s level of seriousness, but when Oswald turned to reach the bed he saw how sick he was looking all of a sudden.

“I told you, you should be laying on bed!” Edward screamed in sudden panic to see that Oswald was getting weaker per second. He helped him get to bed and opened his nightgown to check on the wound, which was looking a bit redder than it should but wasn’t really in danger of infection. What Oswald was probably experiencing was the fading of the tranquilizers effects. Nothing to worry. He sighed in relief, “you scared me for a second,” said as he took the syringe to administer a small dose of morphine.

Oswald reached his arm to stop him and drive Edward’s attention towards him.

“I’m feeling fine, no need to sedate me,” he assured as his hand fell back on the improvised bed.

“If you’re sure,” Edward left the syringe aside and took a seat next to him, “does this mean our chat is over?”

Oswald was staring at the ceiling like there was nothing else in the world he could be looking at. Edward knew how sudden his question was, but he needed to know where they were standing. He was heartbroken for Lee, and all those feelings he had locked up for Oswald were blooming faster and faster until there was no room for anything else.

“Do you really want me to answer?” He asked, his eyes fixated on the ceiling.

“I do,” Edward confirmed.

The clock was ticking and the outside noise was fading with the sundown. The pink and orange light was shyly entering the room and bathing both of them as Edward waited for Oswald to answer. His skin was full of small freckles that reminded him of those starry nights from his childhood, he was stargazing on Oswald’s freckled body and making up constellations. One day, he would explore every single freckle and give it a star name. 

Just not that day.


	4. Don't Let the Sun Go Down On Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Officer Alvarez and the rescue patrol spot Edward Nygma at City Hall, which can only mean one thing to Jim Gordon: Nygma has murdered Lee. But where is she, really?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello and happy holidays!! 
> 
> Here's my present to you all, but first I'd like to apologize about changing the number of chapters from 4 to unknown. At first I had planned a 4 chapters story canon compliant, but halfway through I realized the possibilities it had and it just grew longer and more complex, so here we are !! I hope you enjoy this chapter, and please don't be afraid of leaving a comment below or writing me on twitter @GerryTheEmoKid

Pain. A lot of pain. Blood. Overwhelming smell, dizziness. Reduced mobility. Complete blackout.

The last thing she saw before passing out was Edward running away with Penguin in his arms as she bled to her death. Of course, all the memories of that night were blurry when she woke up again. She wasn’t sure of where she was, it looked like a clandestine meth lab, but it had advanced medical tools. A bald man greeted her when she woke up, she recognized him from a long time ago.  _ Hugo Strange. _

“Good morning, miss Thompkins, how are we feeling this morning?” His voice had never lost its chilly calmness.

“Strange? What… What am I doing here?” She asked as she studied her surroundings.

“I found you convalescent and brought you here with some help,” he explained, “it is safe to say that I saved your life, miss Thompkins,” he assured. She believed him.

“I, uh… Thank you,” she tried to sit up on the bed, but her stomach was hurting as if the knife was still stabbing her.

“I suggest that you get some rest, it will do you good,” Strange walked around the room to get a box where he kept painkillers and other sort of medicines.

She did not trust the man, of course, but in her state moving was a luxury she could not afford just yet. If only she could steal some of his tools and antibiotics, she could easily escape. But first, she needed to know where Jim was, if he was okay, if he would take her in after all that’s happened. Strange approached her with a syringe and she took a deep breath.

“Could you tell me if Jim Gordon is okay?” She asked, her eyes piercing through the man’s red glasses.

“Of course,” he nodded calmly, “he is where he has always been, at the GCPD,” he explained as he prepared her skin for the syringe, “needless to say, he is alive and well, nothing to worry about,” he pressed the needle on her skin and she closed her eyes.

Although she knew better than to fully trust a man like Hugo Strange, his word had to be enough for the time being. The needle’s pinch was nothing, and she started to feel the effects after thirty seconds. At least she knew he was not poisoning her. Yet.

*** 

She woke up, unsure of how long she had been sleeping, but her surroundings were completely different than before. She wasn’t at Strange’s hideout anymore, and her wound was practically healed.  _ How long has it been? _ She asked herself, but all she could do now was to wander around the destroyed city and look for Jim.

First thing she noticed is she would fall asleep at random times and wake up in different places, but never too far from the point she woke up the first time. It was so confusing it was driving her mad. She was alone, lost and something had happened to her during the time Strange had her in his hideout. He must have done something to her brain, but she could not go back to where he was because she had no idea of how to get there again. 

Second thing she noticed was the pattern of the black outs. She would walk a few miles, mark key points at the street, and when the ratio was surpassed she’d fall asleep and wake up near the starting point. She tried this for days until she had a clear map of the places she could and could not go, which took her to the third thing she noticed, she couldn’t get any close to the GCPD. Something was stopping her from finding Jim. 

If she couldn’t find Jim by herself, then she’d have to make Jim find her somehow. The little time she spent awake and in control of her body she tried to leave clues for Jim and the GCPD to find. Some of them were torn apart by the Street Demons and the LoBoyz gang, but she never lost hope. Day by day, the time she spent awake was decreasing, she’d be asleep for days, even weeks, and then wake up in pain, like she had been working nonstop. In the end it was driving her crazy. She needed help, but there was no one she could reach out to. Not even a payphone to call Jim. Nothing.

At some point her memory started to fail, she couldn’t remember Strange anymore, the only thing she could remember was waking up at the same exact place every time for a span of thirty minutes and then passing out again. No time to leave clues for Jim, no time for nothing but to lay down and rest the pain her body was experiencing due to extreme exhaustion.

***

Next time she woke up she was blind. Or so she thought for the first ten seconds. She tried to move, but her hands were tight to what she could just assume was a wooden chair. She screamed, and her voice was at least working as it should. She tried to throw off the chains restraining her as her body moved desperately to get out. Anxiety, sudden panic, she couldn’t breath, her whole face was covered.

“Hello?” She shouted as loud as she could, “anybody there? Get me out!” 

“Hush now, miss Thompkins,” a voice she did not know spoke. It was calmed, and had a peculiar accent. 

Lee’s body stopped and her muscles tensed in fear. The sound of heels clattering towards her sent a goosebump through her spine and cut her breathing entirely. The touch of a hand, soft and graceful yet strong made her gasp and sob as the hand moved slowly to uncover her head. Finally, she could see the woman before her. Someone she had never seen before.

“Who are you?” Lee asked, prey of fear.

“It is of no use for me to tell you, miss Thompkins, you wouldn’t remember,” the woman explained with her sweet voice and her accent. She was beautiful, but deadly as a tiger.

“I… I don’t understand, what do you mean?” Lee tried to look at her surroundings, praying to find  _ anything _ that gave her a clue to where she was. Nothing.

“Don’t worry, darling,” the woman smiled and touched her cheek in a way that was far from comforting to her, “all you need to know is we’re gonna make great things together,” her hand slipped just as slowly and she walked away. 

The woman took a phone and called someone. Her voice was low and as calmed as always, and she seemed to be talking about Lee. Her body was so numb she could barely move her head or keep her eyes open, she just wanted to get out of there.  _ Jim, please find me, _ she prayed internally, wishing Jim could hear her and come get her. The woman turned back to her now that her phone call was over and went back.

“Well, Lee,” she said with an eerie smile on her face, “seems like you’ve got some job to do,” she put the phone away and took a different device, smaller and with a single switch.

Lee frowned and tried to resist again, though she wasn’t sure of what the woman would do next and if she would remember all the events that were happening at once. All her efforts were unsuccessful in the end, the woman flipped the switch and Lee passed out again. 

“Sweet dreams,” the woman laughed.

Everything went black again.

***

The sunset gave step to the darkness. Every second that Oswald spent in silence was torture, a punishment he was sure he deserved but either way was killing him. The tips of his fingers were nervously tapping on his knee as he waited, he hated the silence between them, he hated knowing that Oswald was probably angry and hurt and it was his fault. He had been a fool to think they could simply leave everything in the past and start over. But he had to try.

“Well?” Edward asked as he adjusted his vision.

“Would you turn on the light, please?” Oswald asked him as if ignoring their entire conversation.

Edward felt a sting on the back of his head. Oswald was blankly staring at the ceiling, he didn’t seem mad at first sight, but Edward knew him better than that. He got up and turned on the lights powered by a generator, then went back to him. He wasn’t sure of how long Oswald would be mad at him, but he’d do anything to make things better between them. He wasn’t letting him go ever again.

“Listen, Oswald…” He was about to speak, but Oswald raised a hand weakly and shushed him.

“No, I don’t  _ want _ to listen, Edward,” he said, his head turned to look at him directly, “what I  _ want _ is for you and  _ Jim Gordon _ to stop playing with my feelings like I am some kind of tennis ball,” he spat in frustration and a deep sadness in his eyes, “you two took what you wanted and  _ more  _ from me and then  _ threw _ me away like I was nothing,” his tears were crashing on the bed sheets and making a watermark, “but I stayed and I waited and I sacrificed myself over and over for you, because you told me that’s what love is all about,” he fell silent as he sobbed and hugged himself.

Edward couldn’t but to stay quiet and listen carefully, chewing on every word he was saying. How stupid, how  _ blind  _ he had been. Oswald’s sobbing felt like daggers in his heart, he couldn’t even react to what he was witnessing, his words were cutting sharp. “ _ You threw me,”  _ he repeated in his mind,  _ “love is about sacrifice,”  _ he remembered saying to him all those years ago. Nobody ever had sacrificed so much for him as Oswald had.  _ How stupid, how blind. _

“Now you ask me… If I still am in love with you,” he sniffed as his body relaxed and finally calmed down, “how’s that for an answer?” Oswald couldn’t look at him, after all the ugly crying he felt  _ pathetic _ . The sole thought of shedding tears for a man like Jim Gordon, a filthy cop with a serious hero complex, made him disgusted of himself.

Silence again.

Silence had been his friend for so long, yet it was killing him at that very moment. It felt as cold as iced water, he was freezing. His body went numb from being tense for so long, and when he finally moved to approach the bed he felt like a heavy weight with little to no control. He took the empty space on the bed and laid down next to Oswald, who was studying his every move with a judging look. However, he moved a few inches to allow him some space. Edward got as close to him as he could and carefully wrapped his arm around his waist, his head was resting between his shoulder and his neck and Oswald could feel his breathing synchronizing with his own. 

Silence wasn’t cold anymore.

Edward fell asleep not so long before laying down, he was exhausted from doing and supervising all the tasks at the factory, checking their barriers were still strong and taking care of Oswald. He could not but appreciate how hard Edward was working to make things right between them, he knew that  _ the green man  _ was truly sorry about all that had happened, but one does not forget so easily all the betrayals and killing attempts. He  _ wanted _ to open his heart again for him, but there was a fortified wall around it preventing  _ anyone  _ from hurting him again. Not Edward, not Jim Gordon. No one. The night went way too slow as he remembered all the reasons why he should not allow Edward Nygma back into his heart, but then he stared at the face of the man sleeping next to him and his heart  _ melted _ like ice under the summer’s sun. 

The sun came up to find Edward still wrapped around Oswald and sleeping like never before. Oswald had succumbed to the slumber merely an hour before, but the stinging wound woke him up again, the sudden movement woke Edward as well, whose glasses were crooked and his hair completely dishevelled. 

“Good morning?” Edward looked confused as to when he fell asleep and how it was already morning.

“Morning, Edward,” the wounded man answered, stretching an arm to adjust his glasses, “I didn’t mean to wake you up, sorry,” his eyes were fixed on Edward’s as he put his hand away from his face.

“It’s not a problem, I need to get some job done before the night shift changes to the morning shift anyways,” he explained, his eyes following his hand and landing on Oswald’s eyes, “you look tired, have you had any sleep tonight?” He observed. The hand that was still resting on Oswald’s waist moving to his cheek to check his eye bags.

“I did not,” Oswald confirmed, “I was used to the medication, so my body is still readjusting,” explained in a mellow voice as he leaned his head on Edward’s hand, “don’t even dare to think it was your fault,”

Edward was an open book to Oswald. They both knew this, but Edward kept getting surprised by how well Oswald knew him sometimes. He put his head down and looked at him with unintended puppy eyes. 

“I’m sorry,” Edward apologized anyways, “but you need to sleep, you’re not fully recovered yet,” his voice tone changed abruptly as he moved carefully to get out of the bed. Everything from his clothes to his hair was a mess, he was starting to need a fresh new haircut and more comfortable clothes to work.

“I am so tired of being in bed like a sick old person,” Oswald complained, observing Edward leaving the bed and straightening his clothes. He looked like an angel with the sunrise shining right behind him. Oswald sighed.

“I know you are, you’ve never been able to stand still for more than a few hours,” Edward mocked him while arranging the medical supplies he had left and taking the antibiotic, “show me your chest, please,” he asked politely as he applied some ointment on his fingers.

Oswald sent him a murderous look as he blushed and opened his nightgown for Edward. They had done the same ritual for weeks, but he was usually too drugged to realize how homoerotic it could get. Edward applied slowly the antibiotic in the healing wound, Oswald sighed in relief when the cold concoction made contact with his itching skin. Edward looked at him and blushed instantly.

“Don’t even dare to say a word, Ed,” Oswald threatened when he noticed how Edward was looking at him.

Edward laughed nervously and cleared his throat to avoid the sudden thoughts in his mind. 

“Pardon me, sir,” he said eventually, forcing himself to put away the hand on Oswald’s chest and go wash it thoroughly with cold water.  _ Oh boy, _ he thought,  _ it’s been too long since the last time I… _ His cheeks went red again and a volt of electricity traveled all the way down his spine. He had to splash his face with cold water a few times more to finally relax. 

Oswald was looking at him from bed with a confused expression. He was aware of how the exchange had been unnecessarily sexual, but truly Edward was overreacting. After all, Oswald was nothing compared to the women he had slept with before,  _ he must be desperate,  _ he thought to himself.  _ Just like Jim was.  _ That thought pained him more than anything else.

“I will be back around midday, would you like to have lunch together?” Edward suggested as he reached for the door.

“I’d like that, yes,” Oswald nodded and offered him a sweet smile, “now go, my empire won’t rule by itself,” he ordered, but it wasn’t really a menacing voice tone rather than a mockery one.

“Of course, Mr. Cobblepot,” Edward smiled in complicity and left the room.

Silence. Loneliness. Again.

***

A word to describe Jim Gordon since the bridges went down was “stressed”, as Lucius Fox had kindly remarked on a few occasions. “Over-controlling” was the one Bullock preferred to use, not so kindly. “Lost” was the one Gordon used for himself. He was lost, and sad, and enraged, but he had to pretend to be strong for the people of Gotham,  _ they deserve a strong leader, _ he thought. But the truth was that Jim did not feel like a leader of any sort, he felt like a  _ failure _ . Every day he would patrol to search for every citizen that remained in Gotham and save them from the dangerous gangs and turfs, but not even that was enough to make the feeling go away. Every day he tried to contact the main land, but no one ever listened. Weeks went by, each day a new refugee at the precinct, another mouth to feed, and the supplies would not last forever. 

“You seem  _ stressed _ , Jim” the always calm voice of Lucius Fox reverberated behind him and pulled him out of his darkening thoughts.

“So you’ve said, quite a few times,” Jim turned on his chair to meet Lucius, who was simply standing with a bunch of documents, “any good news?”

Lucius pressed his lips on a frown and bowed his head as if defeated.

“No news at all,” he answered, “what about you?”

“No news either,” Jim got up from the chair and gave the man a small pat on the shoulder, “things are gonna get better, I’m sure,” Lucius looked at him and smiled with a hint of sadness in his eyes.

“Don’t overwork yourself, Jim,” he advised as he gave him an awkward pat back.

A strong sound of footsteps going up the stairs startled them both. Harvey Bullock, with his hat and his coat always intact appeared on scene.

“Hey, fellas, what’s popping?” He greeted the two men tipping off his hat, “are we having a sharing our emotions party and I have missed it?” 

Lucius laughed in a sweet way that made Gordon suspect there was something strange between those two, but wasn’t sure if it was his place to ask. 

_ Oswald. _

He shook his head. Oswald was at City Hall, he was okay, he didn’t need his help and probably didn’t want it anyway.  _ It was a two time thing _ , he tried to convince himself,  _ it was to get Lee back. _ His thoughts had gotten so loud he could barely hear the conversation that was taking place right in front of him.

“Come on, Harvey, Captain Gordon is busy right now,” he heard Lucius say in the background, “let’s get some job done, shall we?”

Lucius stood with Jim until he regained his consciousness and control over himself. He looked at both of them and pursed his lips in a poorly forced smile.

“Yes, you do that,” Jim said to prove he was listening and  _ not at all _ lost in his deepest thoughts.

Lucius went to meet Harvey and leave Jim alone, who caught a glance of Harvey passing his hand by Lucius' waist in a not-so-friendly way. He was not the one to judge,of course, but they made an odd pair. He could hear Lucius reprimanding him as they went down the stairs, and Harvey laughing mischievously in response.  _ Maybe the opposites do attract,  _ he whispered to himself.

He had heard rumours about Oswald being hurt during the chaos, but there wasn’t a single soul who could’ve told him if he was okay, if he was  _ protected. _ Surely he could take care of himself, he had survived more than twice to nearly successful murder attempts, but in his eyes Oswald was still frail. His crystal green-blue eyes, his pale skin, his damaged leg. The beauty of his body had blinded him to the truth, that he was a dangerous criminal and a murderer.

Next time someone took him out of his mind was Officer Alvarez with an announcement from the rescue patrol.

“We have spotted Edward Nygma around City Hall, he must be working with Penguin,” he explained to Gordon, who looked surprised and contradicted.

“Nygma? Thought they hated each other,” Jim pretended to not know the truth, but there was something burning on the back of his head, “any news on Leslie Thompkins? Was she at City Hall as well?” If Nygma was there, the chances that Lee was with him or dead were at a 50/50.

“No, Captain, nothing we can corroborate on Lee,” he seemed disappointed at having failed him, because even Alvarez knew how much Lee meant for Gordon.

He saw it clear, Edward Nygma had done it again, he had murdered her. It was the only explanation plausible, she could have not left without Ed and if she was alive she would have tried to contact him somehow. She was dead. And the man who killed her was protected at City Hall. He looked at Alvarez, who was standing still ready for an order.

“Thank you, Alvarez, that’d be all for now,” he dismissed the officer and went back to his map of Gotham.

The map had sections distinguished by colours and the name of the leader of each turf, being both the Penguin’s and the Sirens' the most influential ones. There was still a lot of city they hadn’t explored yet, many people they knew nothing about. He had marked on the map Victor Fries, Bridgit Pike and Jonathan Crane because they were loud enough and dangerous, but rarely left their territories. Then the street gangs, who had simply reinforced the territory they already owned. 

_ What a mess, _ he thought as he stared at his map.  _ We need to get out of here as soon as possible. _

He added “Edward Nygma” under the Penguin’s name and punched the table out of frustration. He could not risk all those civilian lives in a turf war, Penguin outnumbered the GCPD in guns and forces too. And he had Nygma.  _ But they probably killed Lee. _ He reminded himself in hopes that’d give him the strength to face Oswald when the time was right.

So many things he could have prevented, so many deaths could have been stopped if he wasn’t a  _ failure. _ That was all he was, to everyone. To himself. He had underestimated Nygma, Jeremiah… And  _ Penguin. _ For him they were just poor troubled men who gave up on life, but they had proven several times to be more than that. Nygma wasn’t that shy and awkward forensics assistant anymore, he was a serial killer; Jeremiah was not a brilliant engineer but a mass murderer, and Oswald… Oswald was not the Umbrella Boy he allowed to live for one more day, he was merciless and ruthless and would kill  _ anyone _ who dared to stand too close to him. They were dangerous, and he had put the guard down way too many times. They needed to pay for their crimes.

His anger outweighed now every other emotion he could have. He needed to get out of the precinct and release his fury onto something, a wall would be enough, he just  _ needed _ to punch something and scream until his lungs were empty and his throat hurt. He found himself punching trash bags that were piled together at the backside of the GCPD precinct.

_ This is for Lee. _

His loud screaming soon alerted some officers, who decided to call up on Harvey to assist the Captain. Harvey arrived at the scene a few minutes later to find Jim completely out of his mind, tearing plastic bags apart as he shouted incomprehensible words. He understood right away what was making Jim so upset.

“Hey! Hey, buddy,” Harvey grabbed him by the arms and got between him and the bags, “listen to me, we are all concerned about Lee, okay? But you need to calm down, you’re scaring everyone,” his eyes were set on Jim’s.

Jim looked at Harvey like he had come out of a trance, confused and incredibly lost. 

“Harvey… I think Nygma killed her… That son of a-” he stopped in his tracks as Bullock held him tight.

“We don’t know that, Jim, she’s a tough one,” Harvey pulled him in for a hug, “we’re gonna find her, buddy, you will see,” he assured Jim.

Suddenly, all his anger and need for revenge vanished in Harvey’s arms. He didn’t know what would happen to him if Bullock wasn’t there to hold him in his darkest hours and bring him back to the surface. He was always so caring, and Jim might have not been the best of friends, always so centered in his own problems that Bullock was never a priority. He needed to compensate the man somehow, he needed to prove he could be a good friend too.

“Thank you, Harvey,” he smiled softly, “let’s get inside, shall we?” 

Harvey sighed in relief when Jim seemed calm. From a distance he spotted Harper and Lucius signing positively at him, and he smiled at them as he accompanied Jim inside the precinct again. He was worried about Lee, too, but more so about Jim and what will happen if he gave up. No other officer or refugee there was strong enough to deal with a situation of such magnitude, not even himself. They needed Jim Gordon.

And they needed him _focused_.


End file.
